I need your help. I'm a 23-year-old woman. My boyfriend took a job in the banking industry in Eastern Europe. He and I were together for eight months and ended up living together before he left. But now he's gonna be gone for a year. He says that he hopes I can visit him in six months or so, and he wants us to stay faithful to each other while he's away. I love him, but I want to date others while he's gone. It would be fine if he did the same. He says that would mean that I don't love him enough. I think he's scared that I'd find someone I loved more. What should I do?
-Stuck in the City.

Dear Stuck,

People get stuck because they let themselves get stuck. He's in the banking industry; that means he’s making money. If he really wanted your LDR [long-distance relationship] to work he'd get you over there within three months, not dangle a possible trip for you six months down the line. You really don't know what he's doing behind your back while you’re kept on a short leash. You are young and unmarried. You were together less time before he left than he expects you to put yourself on the shelf for him and his job. Don't rush into anything, but if you find a young man who you really want to date who accepts that you have a boyfriend overseas, it's time to act.

Contact your guy and let him know that you love him and want things to work out when he’s back, but it's time for you both to live your lives while you're apart. He wasn't drafted. He chose this opportunity. He has to face the risks. If your relationship is strong enough, he'll still be your guy when he eventually gets back. If not, then it wasn't meant to be. Two facts should back up your actions:

1. Many LDR's break up shortly after the lovers reunite. And then what were you waiting for?

2. If you can't be strong enough to convey to him your needs now and/or he's not man enough to respect them, what kind of long-term life are you setting yourself up for?

Be honest and just do it.

Dear Kris,

So your column is about spirituality and sex. So, why does my girlfriend shout, “Oh, God!” and, “Jesus, Yes!!” when we’re really going at it?
-Just Wondering

Dear Wonderer,

Although you’re yanking my chain as well as blowing your own horn, your question actually brings some interesting points. Your (possibly fictional) girlfriend shouts religious and spiritual references when she’s in ecstasy.

Perhaps she feels as I do that sexuality and spirituality are two of the ways that we can celebrate the joy of existence, so in that moment of ecstasy they just naturally come out together as she emotionally gushes. Perhaps you might like to pretend that in that moment she holds you on par with a god. Perhaps because you don't mention her name when you come, she sees no need to mention yours. Perhaps it's just easier for her to say the same thing each time so she doesn't mess up and say the wrong name. Or perhaps she just prefers at that moment not to think of who she's really with. It's probably one or more of those.

Peace to all.

Kris Heinlein is the author of The Sex and Love Handbook: Polyamory, Bisexuality, Swingers, Spirituality, (and Even) Monogamy. Visit www.hypsex.com or email your questions to KAHeinlein@aol.com.